Where Art Thou?

My love, where art thou?

Do you discern I yearn for you somehow?

The gentleness I used to know so well

Which makes my fondness of you just swell

 

I beg your pardon, but where is he?

The man who was giving me such glee

I have half a mind to say you look like him

Moreover, the differences are slightly dim

 

The similarity gives me such bewitchment

But you’re not him for I fail to feel endearment

Mister, if at anytime you catch a glimpse of my love

Tell him I wish to see him I pray to the heavens and above

Goodbye Soonest

Yesterday, I was feeling so blue

Today is the day that I met you

Tomorrow, I know you won’t be here

This—a cycle I no longer fear

 

There will be friends who’ll turn into foe

But just like they said, people come and go

The people who’re once my heart’s dearests

Will become a heavy load in my chest

 

Forgive me for if your words, I doubt

“They’re lying!” Something repeatedly shouts

I try my hardest to completely ignore—

But I get really intimidated by its roar

 

Hold my hand and you’ll see me falter—

Because I’ll think you’ll hang me in a halter

If you’ll leave me, please make it sooner

While I can still handle this in good humor

I Wonder How It Feels To Be Normal

I wonder how it feels to be normal—

Where life isn’t so blue and dismal

How could dealing with life be a cinch—

When it always treats me like it’s Grinch?

 

Everyday, people have their cheerful eyes

And then there’s mine that always agonize

While they laugh and talk with their peers

Here I am, alone and forlorn with my tears

 

I wonder how it feels to be normal—

Where at nights, I won’t be nocturnal

While I stare up into the ceiling

And figuring out what I’m feeling

 

How can others trot with their chin high?

Oh, but mine is too, but just so they won’t see me cry

How do they do that wide and pretty smile—

Even when life gets a little bit hostile?

 

I wonder how it feels to be normal—

Where things are not that awful

Where happiness and merriment are ubiquitous

And good memories are not serendipitous

Tonight, I give up asking God to take away my suffering because it seems to me that he never listened. With tears pouring down my eyes, I now instead humbly and wholeheartedly beg for Him to just end my life. I am trapped. I can’t tell if people are being horrible to me or I am the horrible one. I don’t have answers. The only thing I am sure of is that I never want to wake up ever again.

Complicated Life

asss

After Aubrey So’s death (a fellow Guhit Pinas artist), I became more sensitive to posts about depression in the group. My instinct to reach out to them got stronger because I noticed that the victims are getting younger. And with a little regret that I was just ignoring these posts before.

But I got more sensitive to people who keep mocking those who suffer from it. How they try to force down on other’s throats that all you need to do is be positive and pray to God—I am a theist. I have no doubt that all things are possible with Him. But surely, you wouldn’t tell a cancer patient to just pray, would you?

This is what most people should understand. It’s actually already becoming a cliché that people might start rolling their eyes but depression is not something that the sufferer just made up. It’s a clinical diagnosis that needs medical treatment but mostly, support from loved ones. Most of the time, the medications prescribed are not even to completely cure it but just to prevent longer episodes, more intense panic attacks, and suicidal thoughts. In other countries, it’s even included as a disability where it can affect your work. And while other illnesses have a specific medical cause, depression doesn’t have as it most of the time depends on the sufferer’s psychological and social issues.

Until now, debate whether depression is curable or not is everywhere. But one thing’s for sure, it’s something to be taken seriously. When sufferers cry for help, it’s not because they’re attention seekers. They cry for help because that’s exactly what they need. It’s just hard to understand what they want sometimes because of the many fear controlling them and their difficulty to socialize as depression is usually paired with anxiety issues too. Their situation is not just drama—it may sound such to you but it’s serious for them.

Seriously, how hard it is for people to give them support? Is it really a must to compare our troubles with theirs? Do some of these insensitive people even suffer the same condition to act mighty and superior just because they can cope up more easily? Don’t rich people have the right to be depressed just because they have a pompous life? Can’t we all give support without putting ourselves in the limelight?

You don’t have to say a lot to show you’re helping. Unsolicited advice only triggers depression more. “You’ll be okay”, “I’m here”, and “I understand” are just few of the simple things depressed people actually want to hear. I don’t know about the others, but when I look for someone to share my troubles with when I am having an episode, it’s because I need to hear reassurance that I am still able to do it. Not so someone can judge and remind me how weak I am. Pull them closer to God but don’t make it sound as if they’re Godless hence why they’re suffering. Depressed people are lost, not evil.

Most of all, sadness is not the same as depression. Sadness is short-term while depression is always there just waiting to be triggered. Sadness in depression is entirely different because there’s no reason for it usually.

This is how complicated depression is. It’s hell for those who suffer from it. Words can do a lot of damage. So if you don’t know anything about it and you’re not legit concern, just don’t say anything at all.

Botherance

You said “for the both of you, I am happy”

However, I know your heart doesn’t agree

I think such utterances are the phoniest

It is drama; in reality they really don’t exist

 

You just want to bother us with your existence

Happy? Then you shouldn’t have made an appearance

All the smiling faces you brought it with—

Will not convince me that you are blithe

 

I do not blame you though for your heartbreak

For being forsaken, it is your right to ache

But know too that I have no patience with a fake

What you did could have only caused us headache

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